Out of Control
by purrpickle
Summary: Caught in the sticky spider web of an unhealthy relationship, Rachel doesn't realize she's losing herself. But while her friends are slow to catch on, there's one girl who's not so blind. For Santana, it's time to step up. Rachel/OFC, eventual Pezberry.


**A/N: **I do not own Glee nor the characters within (though I do own Meghan). This takes place in an alternate season three (and alternate universe). I haven't officially _seen_ any of season three, so there's no way I could write the new characters. So just assume, for the most part, season two cast is season three cast (though minus Lauren). That said, this is somewhat a personal project for me.

* * *

><p>Staring at the floor of the choir room, Rachel traced the design she'd memorized the year before. It was better than waiting for her phone to vibrate with a message she'd never get. After all, Meghan had made it abundantly clear they had broken up.<p>

Rachel didn't know what she'd done. She'd scheduled more than ample time to spend with her, and not complained too much about the glee club and her lack of solos. Knowing Meghan hadn't been a fan of Rachel's extracurricular activities in the first place, she would say she had done an exemplary job of avoiding that particular subject. Instead, over the past four months, Rachel had learned more about fencing than she'd ever expected to.

She'd been supportive, self-effacing, and willing to do whatever it took to keep Meghan happy. But apparently that hadn't been enough.

Meghan's parting words echoed in her ears, "You're a selfish little girl, obsessed with only yourself with no regards to how anyone _else _feels. Well, _I_ have feelings, and I have friends and people who _will _pay attention to me and give me what _you can't_. You're going to have to grow up someday, Rachel, so take this as a chance to figure your shit out. I'm only sorry you're too worthless to spend any more time on. Find someone else who gives a fuck, because I _don't_."

They hurt, but Rachel couldn't help feeling she deserved it. She'd called Meghan saying as much, but she hadn't called her back. It had only been three days without contact, so Rachel couldn't help but hope Meghan would calm down and call her back.

"I can change," she whispered out loud, hands tightening around her phone, "I _can_."

"Talking to yourself again?" Santana commented boredly, not even glancing up from where she was filing her nails.

"I'd thank you not to butt into other people's business," Rachel snapped back, pulling her cell phone closer into herself.

A thin eyebrow raised. "Anything said out loud is fair game, hobbit," Santana paused to hold her nails up to the light; pursing her lips, she switched to her other hand, "And with your voice, _anything _carries."

Meghan had always said she talked too loud. Closing her eyes, Rachel shook her head and shifted her body to the right, away from Santana. She made a mental note to add that to her list of what to change about herself. If Santana echoed Meghan, then it must be true.

* * *

><p>After glee, Kurt somehow convinced her to accompany the rest of glee club to Breadstix for an early dinner. The plan being to catch a late showing of The Muppets afterwards, Rachel had only agreed to go when she realized that Meghan liked Breadstix and had been talking about seeing The Muppets. The small chance she'd run into her made her heart ache and burn at the same time.<p>

Scanning the menu, ignoring the snickering, taunting laughter coming from Santana and Brittany in the booth next to hers, Rachel mentally tried to calculate the calories of each dish. Though she had never said it directly to her, it had been evident Meghan would have preferred it if Rachel had lost some weight; even if they were currently broken up, there was no reason to stop her dieting anytime soon.

"You know what you want?" Mercedes asked a second after setting her own menu down. She took a sip of her Coke.

Rachel closed her menu. "A salad," she smiled lightly, "I'm not that hungry."

"Not that hungry?" Tina repeated, pausing in the stirring of her milkshake, "Weren't you the one who skipped lunch because you had to spend the time working on your latest solo?"

Waving off the question, Rachel reached for her ice water, squeezing the lemon into the water before dropping it in and pushing it down with her straw. "I had a big breakfast. The salad should tide me over until I get home and have the rest of the vegan lasagna Dad made last night." She took a sip, wincing at the sourness, then sucked an ice chip into her mouth.

"Okay. And if you get hungry later, I'm sure Mike'll be happy to share his popcorn with you."

"Hey, I'm getting popcorn now?" Mike asked, "What about you?"

Mercedes grinned. "Sorry, Mike, but you're the guy. Universal law says you buy the popcorn."

"Quite right," Kurt piped up from the next booth where he and Blaine sat across from Santana and Brittany, "Though, in my situation, it's Blaine who pays."

Blaine rolled his eyes, but nodded. "Yes, dear," he sighed dramatically, "Whatever you say."

That caused everyone to laugh, Santana tossing the wrapper from her straw at the pink-faced Kurt. Stately flicking it off his shoulder, Kurt looked at Santana pointedly. "Well, what about _you_? Who buys in lesbian relationships?"

"How the hell would _I_ know _that_, Clay Aiken? Just _what_ are you insinuating?"

"But. San. You're Lebanese."

"_B_! Not _helping_!"

Rachel's mind wandered. She'd always had to pay. Her fathers were more successful than Meghan's parents were, so she hadn't minded. Not really. Not even when Meghan started calling her a spoiled Daddy's Girl. Knowing it had been only because her pride had been hurt, Rachel tried not to take it personally.

Missing Santana's response, Rachel froze when her phone vibrated in her pocket. Digging it out, she snapped it open.

**One New Message: Finn Hudson: **_Hey glad u cud make it 2nite_

Looking up, searching for her ex-boyfriend in one of the booths diagonal from her, Rachel tried to smile back at the smile and nod he sent her, but overwhelmingly disappointed tears crowded her eyes. Finn frowned, and three seconds later a new text arrived in his thread. _U ok_

He had been the first one to know about Meghan. Rachel had shown up at his house one night after one of their fights, and though she'd been looking for Kurt at the time, he'd been out with Blaine. Too exhausted and upset to fully realize what she was doing, Rachel had quickly broken down on the doorstep, Finn pulling her inside a second later. After finally getting Rachel to calm down by helplessly hugging her until she stopped crying, he'd listened with a concerned, slightly confused expression on his face as she bared her soul.

He'd handled it amazingly well. After being told that his ex-girlfriend was seeing a girl that _no one_, at that time, knew about, not even Kurt, and that she was madly in love with but didn't know what to do because this was new and she'd never dated a _girl _before, Finn had only shrugged, smiling that crooked smile that used to drive her crazy while telling her _he_ had no idea what to do about girls, either. Though he had half-teasingly, half-seriously asked her if he had any part in her dating a girl before she left, she'd left feeling much better. And, when Meghan started taking up more of her time, limiting what she could have with her friends, it had been easier keeping Finn as her confidant. Though she'd eventually told Kurt, Tina, Mike, and Mercedes about Meghan, she'd never felt as comfortable in confiding in them.

She dropped her eyes to her phone. _I'm fine, Finn. Thank you. You don't need to get up and come see me. _

Sending it off, she managed a smile at him, then forced herself to bring her attention back to her table. Slipping her phone back into her pocket, she surreptitiously wiped her eyes and picked up her water. Taking a sip, she opened her ears again, hoping to catch herself up.

"…Not surprising he's single again. Puck has _not _got game, no matter what he says," Santana snorted.

Brittany nodded. "Yeah, I always beat him at Tic-Tac-Toe."

"_Really_?" Kurt looked at her, then shook his head. He clapped his hands, grinning broadly, "So, who wants to bet on who he'll go after next?"

"Well, he's already dated most of us," Mercedes thought out loud, "But he _does _seem to be keeping it within the club lately."

"You're right," Tina hmmed. "Well, who of the glee girls are single?"

"Not me!" Brittany smiled, "Even if Artie's sitting with someone else right now. I missed my San time!" She threw her arms around Santana, hugging her close.

Santana blushed, but she accepted the hug. "I'm _so_ over Puckerman," she shrugged flippantly, "So count me out."

Mercedes nodded. "Me too. I got _more_ than enough of him when we were dating." She took a deep sip of her Coke, then continued, "Quinn's out, as she's with Finn. So are you, of course." She smiled at Tina, who Mike had pulled in close to him. "So that leaves… Oh."

"…_Oh_," Kurt echoed.

Taking notice of the sudden awkward silence, Rachel looked up from her water. She quickly realized Tina, Mike, Mercedes, Kurt, and Blaine were studiously avoiding her eyes. A nervous laugh bubbled up in her chest. "You've got to be _kidding_," she burst out, "Me and _Puck_? Don't be ridiculous. Besides, I'm with _Me_–"

She wasn't with Meghan anymore.

Not until they talked and Rachel convinced her to give her another chance. Because Meghan loved her, she knew she did. Rachel just needed to prove she was capable of becoming whatever she needed.

Suddenly, Tina squeaked, she and Mike staring at the space just behind Rachel's seat. Rachel's skin prickled.

"You're with _who_, Rachel?"

Rachel knew that voice. Knew it intimately, and she shivered at the sound of it, caressing her ears. Joy and anxiety and hope burst in her chest. She swallowed and forced herself to swivel slowly in her seat. "Meghan," she smiled widely, feeling her heart start to thunder.

"Rachel," Meghan repeated, blonde hair gleaming in the light, green eyes sharp as they appraised her, lips set in a beautiful, perfect half-smile. She coolly moved her gaze over the assembled teens, finally turning back to Rachel. "Freddie told me you were here."

"So you came…?" Rachel asked, barely believing it.

Meghan snorted. "I'm here, aren't I? Really, Rachel."

Chastened, Rachel dropped her gaze; but unable to stay looking away, she met Meghan's eyes again. When it looked like Meghan was starting to get frustrated at Rachel's silence, Rachel smiled. "Can we talk?"

The brilliant smile that got her took her breath away, "I'd like that."

Almost pushing Mercedes out of the booth, "Excuse me, Mercedes, excuse me, I'm sorry, but… Thank you!" she righted herself. Going to reach for Meghan's hand to lead her to the bathroom, she jerked back when Meghan flinched and glared at her. "Oh, right," Rachel whispered, stuffing her hands into her pockets for good measure; Meghan had never wanted to be out, almost fanatical about not appearing to _be _with Rachel when they were in public, "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. Let's go." Barely acknowledging Rachel's friends, Meghan strode quickly towards the bathroom.

Rachel sucked in a deep breath.

"Good luck," Mercedes smiled up at her, Tina and Mike nodding their own support. Rachel beamed at them, then looked at Kurt, who urged her on with a "Go get her!", Blaine just smiling and shrugging next to them. Gaze sliding past Santana and Brittany as she turned towards the bathroom, she heard Brittany's curious, "Who's she? She's really pretty."

Meghan _was _pretty. Rachel knew she couldn't even compare, and she'd always felt incredibly lucky and grateful Meghan had wanted to be with her. Like it seemed she still wanted her now. Or was at least willing to talk to her. Picking up her speed, Rachel pushed open the door to the women's bathroom.

Arms she knew well suddenly pulled her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry," Meghan whispered into her ear, lips brushing directly against her skin, "I was having a horrible day. I know that's no excuse, I know. And I regretted it right away. But I was so _ashamed_. But, Rachel, I can't be without you. I'm so sorry. Forgive me?"

"Of course!" Rachel cried, melting into her body, feeling hot and cold and almost weak with excitement and relief, "I understand. I've had bad days, too. And I don't care. I just… I just want to be with you. I love you." She pushed back, squeezing Meghan to accent her words.

Meghan smiled, an overjoyed expression crossing her face. "Thank you, baby," she lowered her voice, kissing Rachel deeply. "You're too good for me."

Kissing back as hard as she could, Rachel could only shake her head. No, she wasn't too good for Meghan. _Meghan_ was too good for _her_. And Rachel was going to do _all she could_ to not waste this second chance she had given her.


End file.
